I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
