I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
