If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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