you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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