I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
