i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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