dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
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i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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