guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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