You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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