You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
