he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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