I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize