I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This gyro tastes like lonliness
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
