ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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