dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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