his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
