Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
