I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
