I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
