You just made me feel so damn special
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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