I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
