we're chasing vodka with high fives
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
