Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
