i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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