Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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