She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
