dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let's get the cat blown out
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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