Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
