Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize