Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
