fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
