Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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