Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
