I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
