he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
