So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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