i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
