so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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