Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
