Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize