So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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