So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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