My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
