i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize