there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
