a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
