I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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