my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
