This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bring money and cleavage
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
