When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
