No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
