just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize