She said her name was "party"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
