No stitches, just platelets and will power
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
why is half of my head shaved?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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