All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
