as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
