i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
