Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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