During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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