Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
