After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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