Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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