I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
